resolve for the new year

while chatting with a friend the other day, new year's resolutions came up.  we are all searching for that habit to either abandon or embrace as we hang the new calendar.  once i didn't each chips or fries for an entire year...including tortilla chips and i love me some chips & guacamole.  another year i worked out 201 of 365 days...more than half was my goal.  but, those are the only two i have made and kept.  and since i am not four, my ability to make a pledge and stick to it for an entire year is a fraction away from impossible.

i was explaining to her that yes, this year i did have a resolution but of a different nature.  not one that will test my willpower or brute strength or even determination.  instead, one of nourishment-of me-of my soul.  i have spent the majority of the past 11 years caring for the hearts and needs of my family.  first for sweet brown eyes and then when he was in kindergarten, i began to detect subtle changes in pjm's memory & behavior which lead us to this season.  in the midst of all of the parenting and care-giving, i had little time to think about what i needed.  when there were quiet moments, often i was exhausted and would drone out on tv & internet or catch up on a few moments of sleep.  so the focus this year is to nourish me...which sounds entirely selfish as i peck my way around the keyboard.  but truly, that's my focus...to cherish & strengthen-to give me what i need to grow and live and feel alive again.

in the quiet of my mind, i wondered what exactly that looked like.  i bask in calculating plans and challenges for myself in month-long increments.  i formulate rules and rigid timelines i must adhere to...some i tackled last year were journaling a pray every day, donating to a cause each day of the month instead of shopping, and of course there was carb-free february.  what i realize is i operate best when there are rules in place, yet the regiment becomes my god.  however, my intentions were to draw closer to God thru abstinence.

example: i love internet shopping.  genus idea.
ruben, who drives a brown truck, delivers boxes to my front door.
i retreat to the privacy of my bathroom, equipped with a full length mirror & soft lighting, unlike the cramped fluorescent dressing rooms.
i try on a variety of outfits with all my own accessories & proper undergarments.
winners are hung in the closet.  losers are packaged back up & brown, truck-driving ruben whisks them back to where they came.

but for 30 days, i decided no amazon-nordstrom-zappos.  instead it was the watoto childrens choir.  the alzheimers association.  temecula-murrieta rescue mission.  but my heart had not changed from this shopping hiatus.  i did not draw closer to God during this time, i just filled my time shopping for charities instead of clothing & accessories. my motives & efforts were valiant but the finished product was the same.

2014 will be about nourishment & gentleness.  eating & drinking that i which love-i am fortunate weight is not an issue, so i will savor crusty french bread and indulge in creme brûlée.  cherishing time alone & seeking peace for weary soul while leaving holes in the calendar for breathing room.  sustaining those peaceful friendships that bolstered me during this season.  filling my days with activities i hold dear like sewing, running, reading, homemaking; while incorporating others i have been afraid to attempt. what it isn't is a written game plan of intense guidelines i then use to evaluate personal performance because this cycle too often leaves me feeling substandard.

while readying myself for bed later that night, i saw what i hope 2014 holds for me...

wash inside out...that was 2013.  all of my insides were exposed for all to see & it wasn't pretty.  

dear target t-shirt.

my mantra was tucked inside you so nicely.

gentle cycle.  tumble dry low.  iron only if needed.

treat me with care.  don't over dry me.  apply intense heat only if essential.

proper care will make that $14.99  pullover last

and it will nourish my soul as well.

signed.

target consumer

p.s.  i purchased you with my red card on dec. 2nd...hope that 5% doesn't haunt me with that breach in security.

dear 2014.

i'm seeking the gentle cycle this year.

a year of  tumbling on low, leaving the soul withering heat of 2013 behind.

and when a hot spell of life begins to dry this soul, retreat promptly.

and allow the cool of God's living water to wash my parched soul.

signed,

happy about a new beginning

january recap

So I made all of those lofty goals just 30 some odd days ago...things I would press toward this year.  I wondering if I have accomplished any of the objectives I proclaimed important in this 2012.

1.  Blog more..okay not so much.  7 of 31 days.

2.  Gracefully say what's on my mind.  I still stink at this...just ask J.  I called him a spoiled brat on Wednesday.  Zero grace and lacks specific ways he could correct his behavior. 

3.  Meatless Monday...yes I have been meat free every Monday in January!  But I realize I rely on heavily on dairy on these days and don't really know if that's any healthier than eating low fat meat.  I have developed a passion for cheese...that's not low fat {and it's animal fat-who doesn't love a fat animal?} therefore not healthy!  wow.  i suck...0-3 so far.

4.  Boston 2013...yep.  Just when you were going to pull the plug on me-I got this one on lock!  I have been upping the weekly mileage and my 18 week training program.  In June, I will rock and roll in San Diego.  Amber...thanks for the amazingly hill sprints Monday morning!

5.  Test recipes...two winners and one loser so far! 

6.  Date Peter...humph.  Not so much unless you call a date one that involves a third person with MD after his/her name and orders more labs-not a cocktail and dinner!  Oh Lyme's...you put a damper on this girl's parade!

7.  Kefir!  Oh Yes.  Anyone that would like some low fat kefir let me know.  I am producing a mason jarful every 24 hours.  Google it if you are wondering what i am talking about.  I do have to admit, it is a tad high maintenance

8.  Read the Bible...my BFF is Job.  I will blog about him very soon.  He knows my heart.

9.  Yoga...nada.

10.  Amber's scrapbook...another negative.  But I did make two adorable t-shirts for Charlie...does that count?  Nope Chrissy-keep your eye on the prize.

11.  Got carwash?  The road to hell is paved with good intentions of driving to Rancho Carwash, but then it would cut things too close to my dentist appointment or the 10-day forecast predicts a 6% chance of showers tomorrow.  This can derail me in a nanosecond.  I am faint in spirit I realize.

12.  Amazing race app...so they don't accept apps until Sept.  Need to write that in my day planner in black Marks A Lot! And we still have no video so basically I am a loser here as well.

I can say I am chiseling away at 4 of the 12...how are your resolutions working for you 1/12th in to the new year?

the dirty dozen...

I am thankful for the fresh, much needed start of a new year.

Here are the twelve, I will embrace this year of 2012,

1.  Blog-write more {I mentioned this on Jan. 4th's post}

2.  Call it like I see it {this may have come up in the previous post as well}...I learned {and desperately desire to unlearn} to give my mom the answers she wanted to hear.  With my mom being gone two years now, I want to put aside my perceived pleasing answers and gracefully say what I want or how I see a situation.

3.  Meatless Monday...January's Runner's magazine has a brief article on small nutrition changes you can make which will improve one's diet and workout performance.  Meatless Monday was one of the suggestions-simply don't consume meat one day a week.

4.  Qualify for the 2013 Boston Marathon.  I qualified ten years ago for Boston, but had a small interruption in my training {Jeremiah's adoption} which prevented me from running the much acclaimed Boston Marathon.  I am running the Rock-n-Roll Marathon this June and need to finish in 3 hours 55 minutes...which is actually 15 minutes longer than I had ten years ago...sweet advantage of having another decade under my feet!

5.  Test a new recipe each week.  This week I made Ahi Poke and it was a hit. Next is going to be a roasted brussels sprouts recipe.  I will post these {even the flops-there has to be some, right?} each week.

6.  Date Peter more...this past two years have been so full of medicine, doctors appointments, and sheer panic on my part that I have forgotten to have fun with my husband.  I vow to laugh more with him.

7.  Make kefir...why?  It is a form of cultured milk {like yogurt}, but has a plethora of those good germs that your tummy and immune system need.  We all could use more culture in our lives...especially my husband who is hooked on antibiotics for the time being.

8.  Read the Bible more...I am a good devotional-praying-journaling girl but so often I don't read entire books of the Bible.  I am kind of like a baby penguin.  I let so many amazing Christian authors chew and digest the Bible and then spit it into my brain.  It is time this birdie learns to chew the Word herself.

9.  Yoga...this is a "bucket" item{Scooter says this make me sound old.  "Hey, Scoot...I don't care if I sound old"-this takes us to #2-graceful enough, right?}.  I just want to try in once.  I don't think I will become a bikram or shanti follower.

10.  Finish Amber's scrapbook.  She is married...it is time.

11.  Take my car to the car wash more often.  In spite of it's age, my dependable Suburban feels "new off the car lot" when it is cleaned...inside & out.

12.  Apply to compete on the Amazing Race with Amber.  We would have too much fun and be so hillarious to watch...promise!  We need a techy person that can make an AMAZING video for us to submit with our applications.

That's my twelve for twelve.

What do you resolve this year?