my trouble with social media...

sitting in the warmth of my car on the sidelines of a soccer field in the drizzle while sweet brown eyes muddies his new neon cleats, i check emails, instagram and good old facebook.  i have this love-hate relationship with facebook. i am like an addict with two days of clean under her belt, but then in quiet aloneness i misstep and checkout the happenings of my "friends".  and i roll across a friend's status about the challenges of Christmas-all the stress and no joy.  my very first reaction was to comment {publicly} that she has a bounty of joys...including a healthy husband. but that's being a cyber bitch-never attractive. my second thought was to do the old "defriend" thing, but then i remembered i was almost 50, not 15 and this isn't high school.  but i couldn't let the thoughts about all of this go, so i slept on it and here is what i have concluded.

1.  social media allows us to stay connected with one another.  but, it also is this weird arena where snippets of our lives are broadcasted without the backdrop of a few hours ago or the landscape of two days from now.  i have no idea what path she was on yesterday but i stood in judgement.  ugly judgement.  

2.  joy is a choice.  at Christmas and the rest of the year.  it takes effort, work and a lowering of expectations.  i have to intentionally find the blessings in this season of Christmas & rework those areas where the stress & sad want to swallow my joy.  and perfect is never going to happen...ever.  the less i expect from myself & others, the more joy i can unearth because i haven't chosen this unrealistic "hallmark card" to measure up to for the next 20 something days.

3.  letting go of traditions is permitted when they aren't working anymore.  i have been at war mentally over our annual Christmas cards this year.  i hand-make 106 photo Christmas cards every year...for the last 25 years.  i love doing it and selecting the perfect professionally pic of our family.  it isn't happening this year.  if i were going to create a Christmas card that depicted our family this year, it would probably be a blurred shot of all of five of us scrambling eight different directions duct taped to a recycled postcard for a discounted oil change.  no one on my Christmas card list wants our hot-mess family photo, so this year i am placing the crafty card thing on the shelf & will revisit it again next year.  and my heart is comfortable with that.

dear social media.

you are a mysterious beast.

i am driven to check-in too often.
your bits & pieces give me a few words out of someone's complicated book of life.
i draw faulty conclusions & unfavorable judgments.  

sincerely,

undisciplined member

dear friend in holiday struggle.

sorry you are feeling the stress and not the joy.

glad i didn't blast you with a nasty comment.

prayers you can stop-reflect on the "haves" more than the "haven'ts" of Christmas.

sorry of the ugly judge.

wishing you genuine peace & joy.

love,

old friend

dear God.

you-Jesus made it simple.

not easy, but a life of simple.

why do we make it so complicated, especially during Christmas?  

the card & all of the other expectations

  of the season are from me, not You.

i must actively keeping my "eye on the prize" this Christmas-YOU!

my peace comes from knowing You have planned my life,

and will be with me {and pjm} always.

grateful,

celebrator of your Son.

His plans...

so i was regretting mother's day...

it reminds me my mom has passed away.

my heart was sad because scooter was not coming home

he had come home & celebrated with me a week prior.

there were no real plans for the day and i was okay with that.

the agenda unfolded...

church-zoo with jason & amber-dinner on the way home.

that seemed a fine way to spend the day.

but then ams texted me on our way to the zoo...

jason's family invited us to join them for a lasagna dinner.

only because i didn't have a valid reason for saying "no",

i said yes. this wasn't how i had dreamed of spending mother's day.

i would never have planned the day this way.

we hadn't even met some of the people who were going to be at dinner.

after a full day at the zoo, jeremiah's behavior can be a crap shoot.

and...did i mention yet, scooter wasn't home?

i did not want to go...

but we went.

and i could not have been more delighted!

a warm, loving, gathering of people.

i was blessed to be sitting with my daughter's future family

laughing over lasagna & garlic bread.

jeremiah charmed jason's "miga" {grandma}

it reminds me...i love to make plans

i often forget to run my agenda by God.

may 8th i had no agenda-no plans-no expectations.

the day was perfectly planned by God.

He knew just what this "missing my mom-wishing all my birdies were in my nest"

mama bird's heart needed.

i must remember this every day...He is there to plan my day,

but i must set aside my agenda-plans-expectations.

His way is always better than my way...i must trust...he promises.

"for i know the plans I have for you declares the Lord"

jeremiah 29:11

{this photo has nothing to do with mother's day...it is the most recent photo of
me & the 3 precious souls God has trusted me with joined by peter & jason}






dear santa…

each year we help jeremiah write a letter to santa, asking for his top three gifts. he prioritizes, adds and removes items as Christmas day gets closer. i often giggle at his fickleness and think how 60 days after Chritmas , the specific gifts will be forgotten and what lingers is the memory of making gingerbread houses as a family and cuddling under a blanket watching a Christmas movie.

i realized today that i am often giving God my Christmas list…my list of the gifts i want him to bless me with. it sounds so selfish as i write it, but i have honestly believed because i am a hard working person that has cared so dearly for my family and am just a “good Christian girl” so i expect God to fill my wish list much like jeremiah’s expectations on Christmas morning. when i journal my “list” to God, it is not from a position of thanksfulness or gratitude, but one of expectation-something i have earned or deserve. i know this is shallow and child-like. i need to approach God with a heart of thankfulness for the provisions of my day…my daily bread. i must open my heart to the gifts given and give thanks…and let go of my list of expectations.