Tuesday, July 31, 2012

more than she-i can handle

had breakfast with a friend this morning.
somehow we just get one another.
we talk about children-vacations-pets-food-education
and God.
she can so sympathize with this pickle of a life i am in right now.
in fact, her loss is by far greater than mine.
her words this morning rang so true in my heart.
to be honest, she said, i don't care how many people hear my story-
even if i went on oprah {we realize she is no longer on the air}
and millions of people came to God hearing my story...it doesn't make up for the life i lost.
she is so right...dreams have been shattered in the middle of a loss
and even when you gather some distance under your feet from the epicenter,
it still just doesn't make sense.
and i flounder when life doesn't make sense.

we did agree that in the very middle of all the tragedy,
many have no idea what to say and in an effort to comfort,
being told God would never give me-you-your family
more than you-me-us could handle just doesn't sit well...ever.
my God loves me...i am His child.
He adopted her-me into His family.
no loving parent would give their child what she-me has been dealt..ever.
in my effort to attempt logic, walk with me for a moment and picture this:

i see my brown eyed boy, who is in fact adopted,
he is nine and in the middle of standardized testing-
which its a BIG deal at school and kids need to bring their "A game" all week..
so say me, god, decided to "shake things up a bit" and really test sweet brown eyes.
so i let him stay up late-like till 10:00.
 then i hook him up to an IV drip {i am medically trained to do this now because of Peter}
and pump extreme sour belts and twix into his veins all night long.
i wake him at 6:00 and let him frolic in the pool for a few hours
then send him off to school on an empty tummy and expect stellar performance on those tests.
this would be mean spirited parental decisions.

i am human and full of flaws but would never do this-okay, perhaps to someone i dislike a whole lot-but my child-not ever. 
God is, well God, and He is good always...
therefore He would never have given our family all that we are faced with...
i know this.

but i also know, He is strong and mighty and will come along side me-her-us
and somehow continue to give the strength necessary to put one foot in front of the other.

AND she-me decided wine-dessert-smokehouse almonds...and getting our butts out of bed and exercising every day keep us from waving that lazy white flag of defeat.


1 comment:

  1. And a Like-Able size of Cold Stone never hurts a weary girl... I believe we should carry a big hammer and when someone declares God would never give us more than we can handle, we whip out the hammer and POP them on the head. SURPRISE bet you didn't expect that, but good news, you seem to be handling it.

    Love you mama bird. you rock more than Lyme's. like in running, cooking, lifting weights.