tuesdays with pjm...

pjm has settled back into "the gardens" {sounds way better than "memory care facility"-especially since he doesn't have much memory left...perhaps i should suggest they call it "unmemory care" or "memoryless care" or even "non-memorable care"}  i have wandered off topic...let me get myself back on track.

so i spend tuesdays with pjm & he is a stellar resident now-like he could earn the "most improved behavior" award this month {granted it is only the 8th of may & we have 23 more days to go}!  whenever i would go to visit before, i felt like i was being pulled into the principal's office AGAIN to be told my child had misbehaved AGAIN!  my biggest fear in his little "stay-cation" at the hospital was he would be this sedated, drooling lump sitting in a corner with no personality.  quite the opposite has transpired which makes visiting him both gratifying & arduous.

gratifying because...
he makes me laugh
i can take him out for coffee or a walk & no longer worry he is going to bolt on me
he makes me giggle
i can have lunch with him & not be concerned he will tell someone the food "tastes like shit"
he makes me smile
i can take him for a drive & not fear he is going to open the car door on the freeway
he makes me feel joy when we are together

arduous because...
he makes me laugh
and he still loves to hold my hand
he makes me giggle
and his sense of humor was what captivated me years ago
he makes me smile
and calls me "beautiful" & his heart knows i am his wife even if his mind can't find the words
he makes me feel joy when we are together

you see, this new "cocktail" of medication, tweaked & tailored just for him has allowed the personality i fell in love with some 28 years ago to return. this reminds me of just how much we have lost as a family & how much i am losing as his wife.

dear ucsd.
thanks for all of your hard work & patience with my pjm.
things certainly were pernicious before we saw progress
i questioned if you truly knew what you were going-but you did
i am so grateful for the man you returned to me during this final season
i was sure this part of him was forever gone...but i was wrong
i couldn't be more joy-filled or tear-filled in being so mistaken
you have assisted in answering my prayers of peace-rest-calm for pjm.
signed-
his wife

p.s. if you see him & he says he hasn't had a starbuck's in ages...he is lying!
he was always good at stretching the truth...but here's proof-he's the love on the right.