five dollar lesson...

sweet brown eyes asked me for some money so he could run to the snack bar while we were watching a soccer game.  i suggested he go alone because i am attempting to allow him {my last...} to grow and make decisions and most of all to realize he is a competent, confident person in this world.  i handed him this:

and with a tight grip on mr. lincoln, he raced off like he was scoring the tie breaking goal.  i returned to watching the game and a few moments later his raspy voice interrupts, "mom, can you hold these for me" and his long, slender fingers are clam-shelling at least 1,251 empty, sugary calories worth of candy!  like a pinata had cracked in two and he was the sole recipient of all the goods inside.  of course there was NO change-he managed to spend every last cent, so i gave him "that look" while stuffing all but one empty calorie morsel in my handbag leaving him a lone cherry ring pop.  

first thought:  that assuming bugger-how dare he spend the entire $5 on candy.  how does he feel so entitled?  second thought:  you wanted him to grow and learn to "handle" the world, but have you prepared him for that...perhaps there are still areas for growth.

late at night i lay in bed wallowing in thoughts of my life & dementia & raising sweet brown eyes alone...without his daddy.  i return to the $5 bill incident & feel God's tug at not just my heart but my head.

dear chrissy-

I want you to be a confident, competent woman in this world.

I have taught you {through your years with pjm} the lessons & unlike being a mom, 

I have promised to always go with you-even to the snack bar.

how many times have you assumed ownership of  blessings without giving Me a second thought?  

in your heart & head you believe you are entitled without ever muttering a prayer of thanks.

perhaps there are still areas for us to chisel away at you to make more room for Me.

love.

God