thanks{giving}

thanks{giving}.

a time to show appreciation for what has been entrusted.

 

today i am giving thanks for a doctor that was both kind & bold.

words that were spoken honestly, yet carried a devastating outcome.

 

last month we met a new neurologist.

i had worked myself into an internal frenzy-sure he too would boost my weary soul with hope.

a false hope...like the eight other doctors before him each

embarking on a search to explain & cure peter's progressing dementia.

 

a slight, spectacled man.  soft spoken. 

attentive to my words & the ream of medical documents i produce.

 

so young, too young. he murmurs almost to himself. 
those words have echoed within the walls of far too many medical offices.

each time they are delivered, i feel like that insecure child that has cannibalized all ten fingernails down to their beds, leaving them raw-ragged-bloody
 while anticipating my name being called during second grade read aloud.

like me, all of the other doctors want to find a prognosis of  renewed health.
a miracle that will mend-fix-heal sweet broken husband.

however, spectacles deviated from the norm.

 

a malady with no known regimen.  the brain, encased in our cranium, is still mysterious.

even to the most brilliant doctor & scientist.

the why of peter's brain will continue to remain an unknown.

but his honesty...the dementia cannot be fixed or even stopped, was a blessing.

spectacles was confident enough, humble enough, honest enough-

against all odds, this should not be happening to my young husband,

but the reality is...he has beat the odds.

he is dying of dementia so young, too young.

 

today i am thanks{giving} to a doctor who granted the gift of freedom to just live
& allow life {and death} to unfold

while allowing hope to slip thru our fingers.