just a week...

so a week ago we celebrated our three year anniversary....

no not of our marriage, you silly.

three years ago, a man that look very, much like clark kent, told peter and me that peter had early

 on-set alzheimer's.  all i could think was "hey clark...dash into a phone booth-turn into superman-fix this "curse word like poop" situation for me!

well...then we found out peter had lyme disease

and began on this journey of iv antibiotics and herbal elixirs.

and we have decided to celebrate as we press on.

i have realized there are days i would like to scream at the tippy top of my lungs at God for doing THIS to my husband.  there are days when i would like to smash every piece of glassware upon my wooden floor like i was celebrating at a jewish wedding.

perhaps a robust mazel toz would realign the planets in my favor.

i call a friend and she says "i will help you thru.  you can do this {what ever the hell this is} 

and your sweet brown eyed boy will be loved and survive this.

i turn to God and scream at him...do you, God, not realize my checkered past in trusting You?

do you not realize i am raising a precious brown eyed boy that is only 9.

do you realize my sweet husband is far too young for an illness that he cannot recover from?

my head would like to tell me Jesus forgot about me {just like my daddy did when i was 18 months old...that i was of little importance}.

but the bible is so full of stories like mine-ours.

and somehow i realize my anger-doubt-questioning of God confirms one thing i cannot place a value upon.

if i question-i have faith.

therefore i will press on.